He’s Back: Tiger Woods’ Scorching Sunday at the Arnold Palmer Invitational

Tiger Receives the Trophy from Golf Legend and Tournament Host Arnold Palmer

The world’s most dominant athlete (as voted by ESPN Viewers) has officially returned.

Sure, most people take a little while to recover and return from an ACL injury.  Sure, most people even catch a little slack from fans and critics alike once they finally do make it back.  Heck, a few have even been known to use it as an excuse or justification, but not if your name is Tiger Woods.

Down 5 strokes to start the final day, Tiger came out roaring in typical Sunday fashion to win the Arnold Palmer Invitational. It helps that the mere sight of “Woods” on the leaderboard causes his competitors’ stomachs to get queasy.   A 16-foot dagger to the heart of Sean O’Hair on the 18th green at Bay Hill solidified Tiger’s fifth overall win at the event held by the legendary Arnold Palmer.  Tiger’s birdie on 18 to win was the 3rd time he’s won the event in such a fashion and the gracious host, Arnie himself, said it best “There wasn’t any question about it, was there?”

No Arnie, indeed there was not.  While some began to question Tiger’s killer instinct and inner strength after not winning his first tournament back from knee surgery, he went a long way toward’s silencing that crowd on Sunday.  Now 1 for 2 on his return, an even more impressive statistic shows that after Tiger missed the cut at the 2006 U.S. Open, an error which some believed would prove he was human after all, Tiger has won a ridiculous 18 of 32 events.  While there is no mathmatical equation to put that into comparable numbers in other sports (winning 4 of 6 super bowls, 6 of 8 NBA championships, etc.) one thing remains unchanged.  No face in sports today is more recognizable around the world than the one of Tiger Woods.

And to Eldrick: welcome back, you were missed.

-asm

My apologies to Les Miles.

(and also to our most loyal follower Will Reno for allowing golf to be published before soccer as well, I promise futbol will have it’s day in the sun)

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Howie Long is a Jerk

I hope Chevrolet is happy with their current ad campaign. You know, the one that features Howie Long being a jerk to nearly everyone he comes in contact with.

Here is what I love about this commercial:

1. This commercial makes it seem as if using a step-down ladder makes you weak - I am an active 23 year old guy, and if I had to choose between jumping off a truck and using a ladder I’d have to think about it. I’ve busted a knee or landed awkwardly jumping out of a truck several times. Just because most men on earth weren’t built to play in the NFL doesn’t mean they’re lesser men.
2. Howie Long doesn’t know the owner of the Ford truck – You’re telling me instead of saying “Hey man, you left your step down,” Howie Long opted to let the guy know in the biggest jackass fashion available. Howie pretty much said, “Hey man, you left that step down on your truck. You know, the one that you use because you’re not enough of a man to get out of your truck without it. You suck.”
3. The commercial asks the viewer whether they would rather have a “man step” or a warranty - Yeah, because those two items are obviously connected… I propose this question: why not ask for both? I will take the Ford F-150 with the man-step and a good warranty. The fact that this commercial hinges on a connection between a step and a warranty makes me hope someone in marketing got fired.

What I hate the most about this ad campaign is that Howie Long is taking out his apparent hate for Ford Motors on anyone who drives one. He stops people in parking lots, points and laughs when they drop stuff out of their trunk, and makes fun of a guy’s truck for its gas mileage (now that is manly).

Let’s be honest, if Howie Long stopped you and made fun of your “man step,” would you just get embarrassed and walk away? I think not. Here is how this conversation would have gone in real life:

Howie: Hey, buddy, you left your little “man step” down.
Guy: My “man step?”
Howie: Yeah, that thing on the back of your truck.
Guy: I’m not done using it yet, I still have to load a few things in.
Howie: Well just be a man and put them in there without the step.
Guy: Why would I put them in without the step? It comes standard on the new F-150.

"Convenience is for Girly Men!"

Howie: I know it does,  but I think it’s stupid.
Guy: Oh, well I guess you’re entitled to that opinion.
Howie: I mean, don’t you just feel like a girl every time you use it?
Guy: Not really. I have chronic back pains and my doctor told me I couldn’t keep stepping up and down out of my old truck.
Howie: Chronic back pain?
Guy: Yeah, I’m 43 and still working my farm. This thing helps me do that.
Howie: So you can’t work your farm without it?
Guy: Nope.
Howie: I bet you could if you drove a Chevy.
Guy: What? How does that even make sense?
Howie: Chevy offers a great warranty.
Guy: Yeah, but in my current physical condition I can’t make it in and out of the truck bed twenty times a day anymore.
Howie: Well that man step just makes it worse.
Guy: How? It helps me get into the truck bed.
Howie: You wouldn’t need it if you drove a Chevy.
Guy: I thought we already had this conversation.
Howie: We did, and I’m saying it again. Little steps are for girls.
Guy: I’m not really sure where you’re going with this so I’m just gonna leave.
Howie: Ok, well good talk.
Guy: Not really, Howie. (gets into car)
Howie: Seriously though, that step sucks.
Guy: (out the window while driving away) Screw off, Howie Long!

I think that’s a little more realistic. For now, I will have to settle for watching Howie Long talk down to innocent Ford-Owners for the remainder of the NCAA Tournament.

More to come on other terrible ad campaigns…

sk.

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Ice Storm: Minor League Goalie Goes Postal After Shootout Loss

It’s Hockey Night at Remember the Sonics! Yes, the one sport that you thought you’d never see on RTS has made its first appearance.

Earlier this week Tuukka Rask, a goalie for the AHL’s Providence Bruins, threw the equivalent of a temper tantrum on ice following a shootout loss. You can see the footage below:

My favorite moment comes around 0:18, where Rask tries to pound his goalie stick into the wall and partially slips, resulting in an awkward fall/swing which made Happy Gilmore’s skating skills look pristine.

I think the most awkward interactions in this video are between Rask and his teammates. his teammates are stuck in between the following thoughts: “I wonder if he’s ok,” and “Jesus, I hope he doesn’t swing at me next.” The result? A lot of stares, some nervous glances, and everyone shuffling out of his way to make an aisle off the ice.

I would like to once again welcome hockey to Remember the Sonics!

It was a good run, hockey, we’ll see you again 2010.

sk.

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Has March Lost The Madness?

After the first weekend of March (the greatest sports month in my opinion), the NCAA Tournament field has been trimmed in half and there are 16 teams left standing.  Not so surprisingly, there haven’t been many upsets. Because of this, all those brackets that gambled on a few major upsets are now wadded up in the corner like mine.  Seriously, I’m tied for last in my family league… which my mom is winning… (sigh).

Pittsburgh C Dajuan Blair

In all honesty, I expected this. I just didn’t want to believe it. All four No.1 seeds, No.2 seeds, and No.3 seeds have advanced to the Sweet Sixteen. Joining them are two No.4 seeds, a No.5 seed, and Arizona as the outcast No.12 seed, the lone “bracket buster” to make it through the first weekend.

Despite my Elite Eight losing only one team in Arizona State (don’t ask), the weekend wasn’t all that grand. Story lines focused on the “what could have been” teams over the “can you believe that!” teams,  Blake Griffin and Dajuan Blair were allowed to maul people (and get away with it) because of their star power, and instead of focusing on Cinderalla-caliber teams, the media didn’t shut up about some kids parents in the stands  (if you don’t believe the frenzy watch the Oklahoma v. Syracuse game and count the number of times you see the ugly mugs of the Griffin parents— I’ll give you great odds that it’s over 20).

All things considered it was an incredible weekend of basketball with great games played by some upset-minded teams, but if one thing was evident to me this weekend, it is the need for new officiating crews and announcing teams.

Despite these problems, March Madness is still the best time of year for any one sport. However, instead of the better teams getting help from officials and praise from announcers, we  need a little more madness.  Look for it as best you can this next weekend, but don’t be surprised when the top seeds keep rolling and we’re left with No.1′s and No.2′s across the board for the Elite Eight.

-asm

Oh, and I almost forgot… my apologies to Les Miles.

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Oklahoma v. Morgan State: Ameer Ali Ejected For Body Slamming Blake Griffin

This just in: the Oklahoma Sooners have put out a hit on Morgan State freshman Ameer Ali.

Let me preface this by saying that when the following event took place, Oklahoma was up around 20-30 points, meaning that the game was signed, sealed, and delivered to Oklahoma’s doorstep.

In the second half of Thursday’s NCAA Tournament game between Oklahoma and Morgan State, Ali and Griffin were fighting for a rebound when the matter got out of hand.

Ali and Griffin went up for a rebound, came down with their arms interlocked, and then both tried to pull themselves free of eachother. Ali apparently felt like he was being harassed by Griffin, because he grabbed Griffin’s arm and dragged the National Player of the Year (by the shoulder) over his body. Griffin did a complete flip before landing on the ground (nearly landing on the back of his neck) and Ameer Ali was ejected immediately.

When I first saw this incident here is what I thought:

1. 

   Horace Grant's Illegitimate Son Plays for Morgan State

   What was Blake Griffin still doing in the game?

2. Who let Horace Grant play for Morgan State?
3. Thank god he did not land on his neck.
4. Oh ****! My bracket!
5. How can Ameer Ali be stupid enough to literally body slam an opponent directly in front of a referee?
6. Is Ali crazy? If he hurts Blake Griffin in any way Sooner fans nation-wide will hunt him down and kill him. Why? Because everyone knows that if Blake Griffin goes down, so do the Sooners title hopes.

It’s a shame when a team is getting blown out and doesn’t know how to handle it. No one likes to lose, but with this act Ameer Ali brought losing to a new low. Greg Gumbel called it “easily the bush league play of the tournament so far,” and had Griffin been hurt Ali would have faced some serious repercussions.

It is said that in order to be a great player one must know how to win, but also how to lose. Ameer Ali missed the memo on this life lesson.

Any athlete knows there are times when you just want to beat the hell out of your opponent. Unfortunately, you can’t do it with your fists. If you want to prove a point, do it on the court. If you can’t do it on the court (as Ali couldn’t) then just buck it up, go home, and wait for your next chance.

sk.

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